Breaking Free: A Journey of Self Discovery Read online

  Copyright © 2012 Chett Vosloo

  First edition published by Reach Publishers 2012

  The text of this publication, or any part thereof, may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, storage in an information retrieval system, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the copyright holder.

  The Author/Publisher has made every effort to trace and acknowledge sources/resources/individuals. In the event that any images/information have been incorrectly attributed or credited, the Author/Publisher will be pleased to rectify these omissions at the earliest opportunity.

  Published by Reach Publishers, P O Box 1384, Wandsbeck, South Africa, 3631

  Edited by Aneya Lee Immelman for Reach Publishers

  Cover designed by Reach Publishers

  Website: www.aimtoinspire.com

  E-mail - [email protected]

  Breaking Free by Chett Vosloo

  Chett grew up in South Africa and graduated from university with a business degree. After several years of travels in his early 20s, Chett returned home and completed a Post Graduate Certificate in Education. Since then, he has taught at a number of schools in South Africa and abroad, and continues to use his teaching qualification as a way to experience and explore new cultures all over the world. At the time of this book’s publication Chett is currently teaching English in South Korea.

  For more on the author, please have a look at his facebook page: BREAKING FREE by Chett Vosloo

  Dedication

  To my parents

  Acknowledgment

  In the decade that it has taken me to write this book, there have been many people who have added their input and helped me along the way. There have, however, been a few people who I would like to say a special thank you to, the first of which is Cathy Roberts. When I first showed Cathy my manuscript many years ago, which looked very different back then to how it looks now, she took one look at it and told me that she could see a gem hidden in the story, but it would first need a lot of polishing. Ever since then Cathy has been extremely optimistic about the book and has always encouraged me to keep going.

  Secondly, I would like to say a big thanks to Tanya Snyman, Aneza-Lee, Sasha Campbell, Jay Kim and Reach Publishers, who have all made a huge contribution with regards to the editing, marketing, layout and design of the book.

  The last acknowledgement I would like to make is to my parents. If it weren’t for them, I most certainly would never have had all the opportunities that I’ve had in life. I cannot thank them enough for everything that they have given me and for giving me the freedom to be my own person.

  “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”

  - Lao Tzu -

  Introduction

  Writing this book has been a journey in itself. For the first seven years that I spent writing, I was filled with the idea that it was my book and that I was the one in control. I would spend hours daydreaming of how my book would one day be a bestseller and how it was going to make me rich and famous, but as the years passed by I found myself becoming increasingly frustrated, as it just didn’t seem to be going anywhere. Eventually, I got to the point when I’d had enough and decided to hell with it. That’s it, I thought. I’m done with trying to write this silly thing. If this book is meant to come out then life is just going to have to make it happen, as I’m done with trying.

  This is exactly what needed to happen. I had to get to the point of realising that I wasn’t the one in control and that I was only the ‘instrument’ for the book to come through. Ironically, this point of surrender was when the book really began. From then on it seemed to come out, not only with far more speed, but so too the direction of the book completely changed. It seemed as though life didn’t want the focus of the book to be on all the adventures that I’d been on over the past few years, but rather on the inner journey I went through and how the darkest time in my life opened me up to a completely new world.

  CHAPTER 1

  Leaving university was not such an easy thing for me to do. The small town that I’d lived in for the past four years had become my safety net, my home, and now that it was time to move out and face the big wide world, it scared the hell out of me. I didn’t feel ready. What made things worse was that I didn’t have a clue what I was going to do next. Most of the guys around me seemed to have a good idea of what they wanted to do with their lives, but not me. I had little, if any, direction at all. My life had always been about playing sport, going to parties and having a good time with my friends, but never about studying and thinking about what I was going to do with my future. The business degree that I was studying didn’t interest me at all, and the truth of it is that I had only chosen it in the first place because I didn’t know what else to do. I did love university life, however, and so I stuck at it and did just enough each year to pass my exams. The months rolled by, and as it got closer to graduation so my worry of what I was going to do next grew.

  Then one day I got a phone call from a friend of mine to say that he and Josh, a good friend of his, were going to take a gap year and spend it island hopping in Greece.

  “Did I want to join them?” Dave asked. It was one of those lightning bolt moments when you instantly know that this is what you’ve been waiting for. I phoned him straight away and told him to count me in, not aware at the time that this gap year trip was going to completely change my life.

  Before meeting up with Dave and Josh in Greece, I decided to make a stop off in London to catch up with other friends of mine. My first weekend in London, I got invited to a party out in the countryside, and no sooner had things got going than people were snorting lines of cocaine off the dining room table. I’d never seen coke before and stood watching curiously from the side. The thing that amazed me the most was just how acceptable and perfectly normal the whole thing was. At varsity my crowd of mates had never got into anything heavier than weed, but now people were doing coke so casually that you’d think they were having nothing but a drag from a cigarette. Although tempted, I went the night without having any, but the seed had been planted that drugs – hard drugs – was a perfectly acceptable thing to do in London.

  The next weekend I made plans to go to a rave, which was another first for me. When I gave the go ahead that I wanted to try ecstasy, Matt, a good friend of mine, who I had known since our first year at university, organised six ecstasy pills for us to take along. Matt, with his dark hair, tanned skin and toned body, was a good-looking guy and reminded me of a younger Johnny Depp. Despite being fairly quiet and reserved, he had been living in London for several months and had become quite street wise to the whole nightlife scene. Unlike Matt, I had short brown hair, olive skin and was stockier in build. I was also far more fearless and adventurous than Matt was when it came to trying something new, and so it was always only going to be a matter of time before the rave scene would suck me in. Matt said that being my first time, I’d only need one or two pills. He’d have the rest, as for him, taking four or five pills was no big deal.

  Shortly after arriving at the rave Matt and I made our way to the bathroom to get things underway. He suggested that I take only half at first, instead of taking the whole thing in one shot. “Give it a little while before you take the second half, Jed.”

  I did as he said and popped only half in my mouth. Ten minutes passed and I felt nothing. Another ten minutes, still nothing. But then, all of a sudden, the magic of the drug kicked in. I got this massive smile on my face and felt unbelievably good. Matt started chuckling to himself, as he could see that I was completely wired. My pupils were huge and
I was grinding my jaw, both of which are sure signs that you are doing pills. Yet I didn’t care how much Matt, or anybody else for that matter, was laughing at me. The only thing I cared about was that the feeling didn’t go away. Never in my life had I felt like this. Before the pill had even started to wear off I was back in the bathroom to take the second half. With my shirt off and my fists punching the air to the beat of the music, I spent most of the night charging on the dance floor with everyone else around me. It had been one of the best nights of my life.

  ***

  Now that I’d had a taste of what raves were all about, I couldn’t wait for the next weekend to come along so I could do it all again. Matt phoned me early on in the week to tell me the good news that there was an even bigger rave happening on Saturday night. The rest of the week dragged by and all I could think about was the up and coming weekend.

  When we got to the rave I was amazed to see a handful of guys selling pills in the doorway. “Pills, pills, pills!” they shouted. I couldn’t get over just how open and in your face the whole thing was. It wasn’t as though they were discretely selling drugs in the bathroom. They were doing it right there in the open for all to see. This time I didn’t waste my time by taking only a half, and neither did I feel the need to go to the bathroom to take the pill. I tossed it in my mouth right there in the middle of the hall.

  Not long after taking the pill I saw a friend of mine who I hadn’t seen in several months sitting in the corner with his back resting against the wall. When I went over to catch up with him, I quickly realised that he wasn’t in a good way at all. He told me that he’d taken too many pills and that he needed to chill out for a while.

  “I’ll come and chat to you later on, Jed. I just need to come down a little.” I nodded back at him and then made my way to the dance floor with Matt.

  The night raced by in much the same fashion as the rave I’d been to the weekend before. By five in the morning I was still completely wired and not even close to being ready to leave. I then did something stupid. Really stupid. Knowing that the rave was going to end at six, one hour from now, I decided to take a third pill. I definitely didn’t need any more, but the craving for a bigger rush, a bigger high, and the fear that it was all going to come to an end soon, drove me like a madman to want more. I guess I was now finding out firsthand the dangers of playing around with drugs in the first place. Sure, they made you feel incredible, but doing drugs often comes at a heavy price, especially to people like me who didn’t know when to draw the line between having a good time and being reckless.

  Matt didn’t have any more pills with him and so I went off to find Alex, the same friend that I had seen earlier on in the night.

  “Be careful, Jed,” he warned, handing me the pill. “This is the same kind of pill that kicked my ass!” Yeah, yeah, yeah, I thought, nodding back at him.

  Wanting to take only half at first, I accidentally swallowed the whole thing. Deep down I immediately knew that I had overdone it, as there was a little voice inside me that said I’d taken too much and that I was now in trouble. My mood started to crash soon after. Only moments before, I had been feeling higher than life itself, but now I stood on the dance floor like a corpse. With my hands in my pockets and a blank expression on my face, I could feel a rising sense of panic and anxiety within myself. Matt must have seen that I wasn’t doing well as he came over to check on me. “Are you okay, Jed?” he asked. “You don’t look well.”

  Through clenched teeth, I whispered, “I’m not feeling so good. I think I’ve taken too much.”

  “Just keep calm, Jed,” Matt said, lightly patting my shoulder with his hand. “Give it some time. You’ll come down soon.”

  Although I didn’t realise it at the time, the music and strobe lights were helping me as they were masking just how bad I really was. If the music and lights had carried on I may well have pulled myself together, but the clock soon struck six and with that the music came to an abrupt end. All the lights in the hall were switched on and where I was now felt like the furthest thing from a rave. What had been only a degree of panic and anxiety before, quickly intensified. I was in shit... I was now in deep shit… there was no doubt about it. With Matt standing right beside me we started following the crowd towards the front entrance. “You’re going to be okay, Jed,” he said, resting his hand on my shoulder and doing his best to comfort and reassure me. “Just keep it cool.”

  As we passed through the front door I immediately put my hand up to shield my eyes from the harsh sunlight. Inside the walls of the rave it had felt like another world, but coming out was now like stepping out of the dream world and back into reality. I hadn’t even thought that the sun would be out and the day underway. I took a few more steps and then, looking to my right, I spotted an ambulance parked on the curb. Through the gathering of people I saw a girl lying on the ground only a few feet away from where I was. Two medics knelt over her with a ventilator covering her mouth. That single moment was probably the worst in all my life. Standing dead still, I was overcome with an indescribable feeling of fear as my life flashed before me. I saw myself experiencing the same fate as the girl on the ground, overdosing on drugs and then landing up in hospital. I saw the phone call to my mother back home in South Africa to tell her that there had been an accident and that I was in hospital. Not only did I see the look on my mother’s face, but I could feel the intense pain that it caused her when she found out what had happened. I felt her pain as if it were my own. These images flashed before me in an instant. As soon as I snapped out of it, I hurried off and turned to look the other way.

  There were now two ways I was going to go. On the one hand I could flip out and lose it completely, and on the other hand I could pull myself together and be okay. At that moment, I honestly didn’t know which one it would be. Thankfully one of Matt’s mates had a car and offered to give us a ride home. God only knows what would have happened had I had to face the big crowds of people in the subway. It could then so easily have gone the other way.

  Once in the car I immediately closed my eyes and rested my head against the back seat. I could feel my anxiety starting to ease and I knew then that I was going to be all right. We did, however, have to stop a few minutes later for me to get sick at the side of the road, but this was a good thing as it helped me to come down. Even though I had narrowly escaped in the end, what did remain with me from my night out was the scene that had flashed through my mind, the look on my mother’s face, the hurt that she had felt. This was the scar that was left behind.

  ***

  Why on earth I’d ever be silly enough to put myself through that again, who the hell knows? I guess I was just one of those people who had to bang their head against the wall a few times before learning the lesson. The weekend after the rave I landed up at an ’80s party, this time with a different crowd of friends. Matt wasn’t with me, but he had given me a pill to take along just in case. After what had happened the weekend before, I had no intention of taking it, yet I still put the pill in my front pocket and took it along with me. After experiencing the rush of what it was like to be at a rave, the ’80s party was a big disappointment. It felt so slow and boring. I stood around with the others for a little while before deciding to sneak off and take the pill in the bathroom. On my way there, I walked past several bouncers standing in the doorway. How on earth they suspected anything, I’ll never know. I guess I must have had guilt written all over my face. For whatever reason, and without me knowing it, one of the bouncers followed me to the bathroom. When I got into the cubicle I locked the door and then reached into my pocket to fish out the ecstasy tablet that had by now broken into several pieces. Standing there with the pieces of the pill resting in the palm of my hand, I heard, “Drugs aren’t allowed in this club. Could you please come with me?”

  I looked up and it was only then that I saw that one of the bouncers was looking down at me from the next cubicle. The timing couldn’t have been any worse. I was caught red handed. As he
stepped off the toilet seat and out of the cubicle, I instinctively threw the broken pieces into the toilet and licked my hand, wanting to get rid of the evidence as fast as possible. With my stomach twisted in knots, I unlocked the door and walked out, sure that he was going to take me into the back alley and smack me around a bit. The bouncer was a big black dude with a shaven head and earrings in both ears. He must have stood a head taller than me. If I was shitting myself before, it had just got a whole lot worse. Without saying another word, he twisted one of my arms behind my back in a vice grip and then escorted me out of the bathroom. When we got to the front entrance of the club, instead of taking me around the back and giving me a beating, as I had imagined he would, he let go of me and turned to make his way back inside. I let out a big sigh of relief, knowing full well that I’d got off lucky. Yet again things could so easily have turned out a lot differently to how they had.

  On the way back home I kept replaying what had happened. I sat in the train with my elbows resting on my knees and my face buried in my hands, feeling like the biggest loser in the world. The weekend before I’d almost overdosed on drugs, now I had been kicked out of a club for doing drugs in the bathroom. What the hell am I doing? I asked myself. However, in the end getting kicked out of the club had been a big blessing in disguise, as the penny finally dropped that me staying in London and playing around with drugs was only going to lead me down a dark and dangerous road.

  CHAPTER 2

  Ios was one of the smaller islands in Greece, well known for its nightlife. Fresh out of university, you bet that Ios was just the sort of place that the three of us wanted to kick off our trip. Life on the island was simple and within no time at all Dave, Josh and I felt perfectly at home. The nightclubs on Ios only got going at around 3:00 am, therefore we would often only get home after sunrise the next morning. We’d usually spend the mornings in bed sleeping off the hangover, and then in the afternoons the three of us would make our way down to the beach. It was paradise. What more could three guys in their early 20s ask for?